Welp, I can’t change the story to seem more “true”.

Do you want me to go into extreme detail? Because I fucking will.

Seventh grade, computer class. Yeah, they were trying to damn hard to teach computer literacy to students by showing them Powerpoint and Word and by the end of the year they were teaching us basic HTML.

I however, already knew all this.

I decided to sit in the back of the class as far away from the teacher as possible and did like most 10 year olds did at the time, dick around.

Oh yeah, they didn’t have the traditional cases of computers like dells or hps, we used exclusively iMacs.

No, not that kind.

The 200late kind.

Yeah, that’s the one. 

This had a few bonus things on it, but the one that I had the most fun with was Adobe Flash 8. Oh man, was the dickings anything BUT around? Nope.

I made stupid animations in this while the teacher was VERY VEHEMENTLY detailing how to do a fucking line break.

I already knew, so fuck that.
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so one time I came really close to droppin’ the goose. The teacher came up to “check on our work” when really she was trying to validate her existence at the school, possibly her life I dunno I don’t claim to understand the plight of a 46 year old woman.

She came up behind me and said “JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING LITTLE MAN” and I was totally like

*click click click*

“Is this not how the code?”

And she’s all like

“WHOA HOLY FUCK WHY DID YOU GRASP THE LESSON SO HARD THAT MY POSITION AT THE SCHOOL WILL BE CHALLENGED AND I WILL COME TO BE LAID OFF BEFORE THE NEXT YEAR COMES AROUND”

And I’m like super happy because I defeated the boss, so before I’d risk anything I’d go back home and save.

While I was back home illegally pirating several hundred thousand copies of Sandstorm, I decided to see if I can get that hella animation software suite.

Yeah so I went to Adobe’s website and HOLY FUCK THEY’RE JUST GIVING AWAY FREE COPIES*

*free copies meaning free trials and I was well aware of my prepubescent child attention span so a 30 day trial was as good as infinite

So I start illegally downloading it from Adobe’s official website illegally, but I have to legally input an Ä̷̡̛͙̭̹͓̻̪̬̝͙̳̥͎̪͖̰͓́ͤ̌̈ͯͯ̈́̔̄͊̂͐̀̚͡ ̨̡̹̻͔̲͓͔͖̘̔͑ͣͣͨ͆̀̚͠͡D̴͇̮̥͍͙̭̬̯̫͛̈̃ͥ̔̒̽̕ ̆͆͐̄͂̈́͂͌҉̷̴̢͙̬͇̭̟̖̪̥̘̲͈̘͇̟̬̼̳͓͘O͌ͥ́͂̈́ͤͭ̏ͬ̓͌ͭ́̒͟͏̸̻͓̥̞͉̲̰̝̳̹͉̼́ͅͅ ̶̸̮͎̱̘̻͚̼͉̼̲͍̦̫͌̉̒ͪ̾̎̀͘̕B̴̧͔̳̫͓̘͕͎̲̝͖͚͖̖̥͎͒ͫͯ̿̄ͦ̚ͅ ̡̠̹̪̭̰̙͖͓̯̮̲̰ͪ̅͋ͥͨ̅ͯͦͬͪͧ̑̋̽̍̌̐͜ͅE̵͙̻̥̠̳͍̟̻ͩ̍́̈́̒ͬ͌͞ ͍͙̣ͤ̀ͩ̎̽̂̊̌̚̚͜͟͠ ̷̧̼̙̫̘̬̤̼̹̬͇̠͙̖̙̈́ͨ̇͟͢ ̢̹̟̮̠͇͔͈̟͈̼͉̞̭ͧ͊̒̍ͪͮ́̍̀͐̏ͬ̉͘͜ ̢̜̺̦̱͉̑̈́ͨ̆́ͪ̄̈͋̔̓̔̔̄ͥ͋͋̉̀͜I͆ͬͫ͒̎̂ͤ̿̇̔͗ͬ͛͏̧̭͎̭̙̀ ̨͚̲̫͓̹̱̥̪̬ͧ̊̽͐̑ͫ̌̏̎̎͆͑̋̾̍ͭ̇ͣ̑̀͘͘D̸̨ͧ̇ͦ̅̆̐͌ͧ͋͆́̚҉̨͇̦̫͖̻̻̣͍

So I was deciding that I would literally never use this site ever again because who the hell needs to use the internet past 2009. I was just going make shit up.

…

But I simply could not continue.

So instead I decided to make up a dummy name that I would not have to ever remember ever.

I carefully laid my hands on the home row, as was drilled into my head by a teacher that probably was already fired.

And smashed.

l a s f a s

That was it. I was done.

I made up a name so perfect and so chaotic that there would be literally no reason to remember it.

Literally no reason to remember it.

Literally no reason to remember it.

Literally no reason to remember it.

Literally no reason to remember it.

Literally no reason to remember it.

Literally no reason to remember it.

Literally no reason to forget it.