azaleecalypso:

agenderphantom:

shit that actually happens in pokemon:

• a giant castle rises from the ground around the main government building. this is basically peta’s fault.
  
• you ride a dragon-god into space to fight a meteor alien. this is plan b. plan a was to send the meteor alien to another dimension.
• one guy tries to get rid of the oceans. one tries to get rid of dry land. What Happens Next Will Shock You.
• a dude jumps straight out of the water onto an evil pirate ship, lowers the gangplank, then swims off to let a teenager deal with it.
• there is a 1/3 chance that a runaway 11-year-old yakuza/mafia prince broke into a laboratory to steal an adorable plant creature.
• you can buy a useless fish for several thousand yen from a shady salesman. this is actually a very good investment.
• the devil, the god of death and the bringer of eternal nightmares all really really really like cake.
• the space cultists would have won if dragon lucifer hadn’t showed up.
• god is a goat, and if you take it to the right place, it will make you a baby god.
• the most powerful trainer in the world (a 14-year-old with a pet rat) went up a frozen mountain for no apparent reason. he only comes down after you beat up his rat. this is absurdly difficult.
• the effective ruler of the unova region is a magical catgirl space princess with a bunch of pet dragons. 
• there’s a nine foot tall guy wandering around. his height is the least interesting thing about him. and his best friend is a flower fairy.

• no matter how many times you win tournaments and get the jackpot at the casino, you’ll still never be able to afford a bicycle.
  
• nothing will make this lazy thousand-pounds bear move from the middle of the road, aside from one particular tune that really pisses it off.
• an Artist decides to fill his room with honey.
• gym leaders are late to final battle for no particular reason; one game later, they still don’t have an excuse.
• grandfather is beaten by 3 (possibly 4) increasingly younger kids.
• the situation that happens most often in the games is that criminals dissolve gang and stop all activity because a 10 year old beat their pets.
• criminals take a whole radio station hostage so they can cry on national radio.
• island only exists on certain days.
  
• interpol detective forgets how to speak the languages of the countries he was previously encountered in.
• interpol detective dresses up as your mom.
• green onion fairy takes you and your friend to the past so you can seemingly drive your rival’s father to suicide.
  
• local Champion is mostly known across the country as “that rich pretty boy obsessed with rocks”.
• you get a mansion for free.
• pair of male characters visit your mansion together and insist they can’t stand each other.
• you can cover God in ribbons.
• you can use mythological deities of the ocean to do some sick surfing.